The top 6 worst hair-do’s in Congress

Being in Congress is a big job, and I donʼt expect members to look impeccable at all times. However, for people in these positions of power, one might think theyʼd have access to a decent haircut.

Here are a few who could use a visit to the salon:

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-Fla.)

Letʼs be honest. Debbie looks like a liberadoodle. After Vogue smoothed out her hair for a spread in the magazine, it seems reasonable to think sheʼd realize how much better she looked. Unfortunately, that is not what happened. Wasserman-Schultzʼs district is Florida-23, which covers Miami. Hair guru Oribe hangs his scissors in Miami. Maybe he could squeeze her in?

Jared Polis (D-Colo.)

Iʼm not trying to hate on Polis (D-Colo.), but whatʼs up with his hair? Is that…a comb forward? Like Caesar? Jared. Please no. Donʼt worry, though, thereʼs help. The internet tells me that Twig Hair Salon does the best work in Boulder. Even if the internet is lying to me (which hardly seems possible), it has to be better than that nonsense heʼs sporting now.

Carl Levin (D-Mich.)

Levin has been in Congress since before I was born. Maybe his hair looked good then. Early Levin hair doesnʼt look good to me, but maybe it looked super groovy to his contemporaries, I donʼt know. What I do know is that it looks terrible now. As a Michigander, I think he needs to represent the home state a little better. My hair looks good, why doesnʼt his? Next time heʼs back home in Michigan, he should stop by 6 Salon, voted best salon in the Detroit metro area.

Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn.)

Whatʼs going on here? This is confusing, because it seems like the cut and the color are well done, they just arenʼt the best choice. Surely, she can find something better. When she goes home to New Haven, may we suggest a visit to The G Salon? May we also suggest that you take their advice? Theyʼre here to help!

Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.)

Maybe itʼs a statement. Maybe he doesnʼt want to visit a hair salon which will expect him to pay like some sort of a for-profit business. Heʼs a self-described socialist, so maybe he thinks the government should just distribute good hair. Be that as it may (and itʼs not), thatʼs not how it works. Try Salon Jacque, Congressman. They can help you, even if they expect you to pay for it.

Debbie Stabenow (D-Mich.)

Hey, Congresswoman? Whatʼcha got going on up there? Youʼre making my home state look bad, just like your buddy Levin. Your hair is looking a little stiff, and that canʼt be comfortable. Head on home to Lansing, take a break, and stop by Douglas J. Salon. Youʼre welcome.

Honorable Mention: Jim Traficant (D-Ohio)

Heʼs retired, but there was literally no way this list could be complete without him. Now that heʼs out of prison, he can wander anywhere heʼd like for a haircut. Even if he just takes a pair of clippers to his head in the bathroom, which would be a step up. However, if he wants to head over to Cleveland, we hear that The Studio can help him deal with that…situation atop his head.

Get it together, Congress. You have no excuses.


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